Keeping up with the J0neses...

The rumor mill has it that there has been some behind the scenes discussion about mature gents being able to keep up with their younger lady partners. "Up" being the key word here...cough.

Yes, early on and from time to time in the course of a long loving relationship, there are those moments when the planets align and you get to stay in bed all day doing nothing but enjoying the company and closeness... Letting things happen as they will. I think our pre-child record was more than six but less than nine...during daylight hours.

My first comment is to the ladies: Have no doubt that we want you, in the best and worst way(s). We are wired to mentally undress you most all the time, and once we've found YOU..you tend to become the center of what was before an unfocused fantasy life. We're wired for those completely inappropriately timed thoughts too. As certainly as you will be at your worst, up to your neck in the most demanding tasks of the day, THAT'S when our mind will, invariably, begin to remember that cute little freckle we found in an out-of-the-way place a few days before. We are, then, likely to send you a note..with the intent of letting you know you are the subject of our thoughts..which will arrive at just about the same moment as your coworker spills a can of tomato juice down your silk blouse, and into that way-too-expensive-but-worth-it Vickie's Secret bra.

But, I digress...

Guys: So, back to keeping up. You can't. Not a chance. No way, no how. We're sprinters that might do a pretty damn good 10k. They are built to make marathon runners seem wimpy in the sheer-number-of-sessions-capable department.

Whoever designed us thought it would be a good idea that we spend the entirety of our stupid teen years and early twenties walking around like an oversized towel hook. With a very similar mental capacity. Our fairer counterparts weren't even thinking about the real meaning of friskiness then, and they wait another 12 years or so before their sexual clock stikes "pre-prime" and "PRIME!!!" At which point, sadly, our 10k days have mostly turned to 5k days. Or sometimes just "K" days. "K, baby...you go ahead...I'm just going to lie here..."

Oh, and just so you aren't taken completely by suprise, I'll just say that during the second trimester of pregnancy, you may as well invest in duct tape and popsicle sticks. Apparently during this time, the lady's body releases some heretofore unseen endocrinal concoction that magnifies libido by, oh...several MILLION perecent.

I hear that some large portion of the male population has this fantasy of taking two gals to the sack. I suspect they'd end up in the fetal position, mumbling incoherently after about an hour with the gals perkily getting dressed for dinner. Kind of like seeing that 72 ounce steak, and knowing it will be delicious...but rarely are you going to be able to enjoy the last bite as much as the first.

Yes, there are most certainly methods of coping with the imbalance of it all. I "hear" that a few days of this natural supplement will have you feeling as if you could personally have driven all the spikes in the trans-pacific railroad, while whistling "She'll be cummin' 'round the mountain..."..with no hammer.

I firmly believe the entire adult-toy-marital-aid business was necessitated by guys' inability to keep up. ALL of the cool things are made for the ladies. There is enough variety to appeal to just about any gal, even rabbit lovers.

Being that as it may, there are things designed, at least that's what I hear, to help get the ol' soldier at attention and keep him there. The chicken circle seems to be a popular way. Kind of like squeezing all the air to one end of the balloon. And with attachments, it can, I hear, be a pleasurable experience for the lady as well.

We tend to be visual creatures, so perhaps a nice movie would help to get things moving...provided, of course, your lady is not immediately offended by barb1e wannabes and their similarly plastic attributes. I happen to be a fan of the real thing. I know at least one other who fervently agrees.

Then, of course, there is always a Tag-Team approach.

...Actually, it's just fun to link to things that LN might read at work and thusly not need blush the rest of the day....

Mostly, it just takes some encouragement, patience and understanding. No, we might not be ready as your hat hits the ground, but if you keep dropping other pieces of clothing and throw in a smile...ANYTHING is possible.